RACE LIGHTING: Signs, What It Is & How to Protect Yourself
We all know that we have to be careful about what we say, how we act, and who we trust. This is especially true for Black and Brown folx and women. If you are a person of color, we’re sure you already know that certain people will try to use your own emotions against you. For example, they will use your fears against you or make you feel guilty to get what they want. It's called "psychological manipulation." And one of the forms of psychological manipulation is gaslighting.
Gaslighting is a form of manipulation in which a person manipulates another person into doubting their memory, perception, and overall sanity. This is often done by denying the existence of something, insisting that what the victim remembers or perceives is not valid, or even lying outright. The goal is to make the victim doubt their sanity and to make them more dependent on the manipulator for guidance and support. The term gaslight is derived from the 1938 play Gas Light by Patrick Hamilton. The play focuses on an affluent couple, Jack and Bella Manningham, where Jack manipulates Bella's environment by hiding things but instead accuses her of stealing them.
Gaslighting can be incredibly damaging, leading to anxiety, depression, and a loss of trust in one's perceptions and judgment. The manipulator does this by making the other person feel bad about themselves or their situation so that the manipulator can get what they want without asking for it directly. It could happen to you anytime if you're a Black person or someone of color. And this is called race lighting.
This article will discuss race lighting, who does it (and why), and how to protect yourself.
What Is Racelighting and How Does It Work?
Racelighting or Racial Lighting is a form of psychological manipulation that aims to change the behavior or beliefs of people through an abusive, deceptive, or underhanded scheme used against Black people and people of color (POC). It is when people of color receive messages that invalidate them and make them doubt themselves. It uses deliberate tactics to deceive, convince, or manipulate people into acting against their self-interests. For example: "You're just too sensitive." This type of manipulation is often used on historically excluded people because it invalidates their experiences and makes them feel crazy if they try to call out injustice or oppression.
Knowing how to spot and avoid race lighting is essential so you can stay safe and protect yourself. It can take many forms, including gaslighting, which is when someone tries to convince you that you are crazy or unreliable, or spinning, which is when someone makes up a story about something terrible happening to them for you to feel sorry for them.
Examples of People of Color Being Racelighted
One example of being race lighted is when you experience racism or discrimination, but the perpetrator denies or downplays their actions. For instance, if a person of color experiences racial profiling from a store employee, but the employee refuses to acknowledge they were being discriminatory, they are gaslighting the person of color. This can leave the person of color confused and unsure of what happened and make them doubt their perceptions and experiences.
Another example of people of color being gaslighted is when you are told that their experiences of racism or discrimination are invalid, or that it is “not a big deal,” and that you are “overreacting.” For example, if a person of color tells their white/European American friend about a racist encounter they had, but their friend dismisses it or tells them they are overreacting, they are gaslighting them. This can make people of color feel like they are not being heard or supported and isolated.
How to Protect Yourself When You Are Racelighted
If you believe you are being racelighted, you can take a few steps to protect yourself and stop the racelighting.
First, it's important to recognize the signs of racelighting so that you can identify when it is happening to you. These signs can include feeling confused or unsure of yourself, doubting your own perceptions and memories, feeling isolated from friends and family, and feeling like you are going crazy.
Once you have identified that you are being racelighted, it's important to seek support from friends, family, or a mental health professional who will understand where you are coming from. It is vital to turn to someone you can trust, someone who shares some of your lived experiences. A trust friend, colleague or therapist can help validate your experiences and provide you with the support you need. It's also important to try to maintain your own sense of reality and to keep track of events and conversations to the best of your ability. This can help you stay grounded and protect yourself from the racelighter's manipulation.
You are not alone! We are here for you.
This is one primary reason we do what we do here at the Phoenix Rising Centers. We aim to have most providers be Black, Brown, and other PoC. We see you and know the value of having someone to work with professionally and therapeutically who will get you and understand where you are coming from. Only from a place of safety can one begin to process and heal these kinds of traumas. We are here to assist you and your mental health needs. It’s one step at a time.
The providers on our Phoenix Rising team have the expertise and experience to help you navigate this time in your life. We understand that you may be experiencing various emotions, including sadness, anger, confusion, or guilt. We are here to help you process these feelings and offer support, validation, and healing during this difficult time.